it's funny. but as old friendships seek renewal i only find that some of the people i used to admire the most now seem entirely uninteresting. seeing old friends i realize how much they haven't changed and how much i have. it's a panoramic view of metamorphasized orientation to life. i don't mind. and i wonder how they could have lingered for so long on the same track.
i am the same. moody, emotional, passionate, alternately shy and demanding with more than my share of attitude, abated only by an obsessive desire to understand, understand people, and life and... life.
and sure, they've grown too. thier lives have changed, they've new identities,new jobs, new relationships and experiences and expectations. but they see it all with the same lens.
and that's one, i just cant stand. i started looking over the lense, and around it, and under it until one day i realized i spent more time out than in and just let it drop altogether.
in this moment dreary of reflection i find myself taken with Hindu ideas of reincarnation. the idea that you begin over and over and over again suddenly is full of appeal. the idea that you eventually cease to exist in a state of nonbeing, inclusive exclusivity becomes sensuously attractive. in these moments when life seems as pointless as it sometimes does i disdain christianity's lateral end. it seems impossibly narrow minded. there are other things i like, but today my mind wanders differnt corridors and i don't wish to bring them up.
