Nothing's ever simple is it. Had a dream day today, in many ways. Eric took Kristoffer out around 6:30 and I slept in till after 8:00. After breakfast and a long bath took off for my first prenatal yoga class. Came home gave the baby lunch, then took a nap with him. took a walk and got ice cream. played at the park for a while on the way home then watched tv all evening.

but all is not well. i'm sad. eric is holding in an anger, hurt, resentment. I don't know. i am tired. and i want to remember the good day i had. maybe he feels cheated. i don't know. and i'm falling asleep as i write. i guess we'll see what comes tonight. i hope he can reach over in the middle of the night to hold me and I will know everything is okay. i love him. and i need him.

have patience in your dreams, self

Just remember who you wanted to be. It said. Remember who you wanted to be. And I did. I remembered dreams I dreamed before one of them came true, no two and took up my whole future. They’ve grown and grown until they’ve become a complete horizon that I don’t know how to pass. What am I doing here? What have I been thinking? What does my future still hold? Why must you always trade one happiness for another? I need someone to level with. I feel like I’m floundering, drifting like the meaning I once believed my life held has drifted out of reach. It was never going to be what I thought it would be, I knew I couldn’t know. There is a way. Self. There is a way. It’s just a slow way. And it’s not the way you thought it would be. But you are still on it. And eventually it will lead you to the next dream. If you believe and you keep taking the next step. One step by one step in time makes many steps. And the path becomes clear when looking back. You’ve been here before. Remember? Remember not only who you dreamed you’d be, in relation to who you are today, but also who you were before. And there is so much victory in that. If you chose to remember your dreams, you must remember all of them and see that where you are is where you have come to. Not just what you want to leave. remember that arrival is also a new begining. each time you end you begin again. and have patience

wonil

If I hadn’t met you…
You changed me.
For the better.

I am stronger for the simplest of love that you gave me.
Perhaps the most transparent person I’ll ever know.

I am grateful to you.

Maybe I will take your idea.

I just might.

Maybe I will listen to you.

I’ll consider it

Rare to find a soul like yours
I celebrate you with warmth in my heart

Thank you for watching me.