sometimes words just frustrate me. i'm tagging between sublimity and something malcontent.
my dad called on my way up the stairs. i answered already agitated.
"hi"
"so what's the news?"
"... i don't know..." (sounding bored and annoyed at his idea of a good way to start a conversation)
"you sound out of breath."
"i just climbed the stairs."
"and that makes you out of breath"
"Dad, what the hell's your problem?!"
"no problem. hi-hi"
call ended 45 seconds. call ended 45 seconds.
i close the phone.
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my brother sent me black house slippers for christmas. at first i didn't think they would fit. but then i started wearing them and they do. they're nice. and soft. i needed house slippers.
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my cat decides when to be friends with my dog. Makeena wants her for a playmate all the time. Chuweikah is on the couch hissing and clawing every time Makeena gets near. Makeena circles, and pounces on nearby space, backs away, then crawls closer whining and finally turns to me poking a dissapointed nose in my lap. I refill her Kong with peanut butter. She is happy.
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I e-mail my good friend emily. her mom is like my aunt. i love them. i belong. in an easy way. because that's how they make it. and i accept it.
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I love my sister. she has discovered good will. she loves it. earlier she called to say she was buying me stuff. did i need more black. "girl you know I need more black!" I have two black outfits and they're always deciding to wear black for choir. "yes, yes, but I always forget what you have". i love my sister. she makes me laugh. she is not my sister. she is my best friend and my room mate from college. but that doesn't matter, she's my sister.
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there are four "wine" bottles in my windowsill. They are waiting to be recycled. i take pictures of them. Makeena tries to help. some turn out wiggley. I think it's pretty. i decide I want chai tea. I put on the kettle. it begins to whistle. I put the tea bag in, creamer and suger, mmmm... i relax in my chair sipping the hot drink... apparently my cat has a new hobby. climing on my shoulder. she is purring. it's not so comfortable for me ;). i take pictures of it. my attempts make me laugh.
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it's almost elleven. I started writing before nine. I wonder where the time has gone. I've been thinking. the reason I started to write. what am i doing with my life? where am I going? am i wasting my time or am i learning? I am happy. but something driving inside me tells me that's not enough.
the world needs more. sooo much more.
