Some days seem impossibly long for every reason, and no reason.
Keep looking over your shoulder afraid you’ll get caught not passing time quick enough.
When you look at the tasks before you and ask “am I up for this?”
and drag your feet because you don’t know what kind of difference you’re making anyway.

I’m stuck in one of those days and all I want is go to sleep. Doze off and drift away to a land where everything goes the way it should. And everybody is qualified for what they do. and nobody has to learn the hard way.

But I’ve got three more hours left at work. Three stretching hours and seven long minutes till I can pack up and head out.
Hours i could fill if I felt more competent.

It’s just that today…
I don’t feel like doing any of the things I’m not sure how to do.

Because inspiration comes from giving up, right?

Being my own worst critic keeps me on the straight and narrow. But it also means I have to be my own best cheerleader. And that’s a bigger task.

So how do I solve the problem of enrolling a Spanish speaking teenage mom and her son into the program? Where do I compromise is more like the question. Do I do it, with the Spanish that I’ve got? Do I pull in some teacher who doesn’t know the program or the forms and draw the process out getting every other thing I say, translated properly? Do I look for Spanish classes to enroll in today? Yes. But how does that help this mother and this son.

Sometimes I feel that we make what we say we do bigger than what we do. I think I’m doing as good a job as anyone else. But i remain to be convinced as to whether or not I am doing a good enough job.

Problem solving. Go to my supervisor. “Have you ever enrolled a Spanish speaking family?: “How am I going to make this work beyond enrollment?” Move on to his supervisor. “We’ll pull in someone. Do you want to enroll this family or not?”

“Yes. I think they could benefit from the services. I’m just concerned of how appropriate they will end up being, me not speaking Spanish.”
“You can speak some Spanish can’t you.”
“Yes and I could probably get by but… what if I’m missing things?”
“Well you can take someone with you when you don’t think they’re getting it and it’s that important. There’s a whole bunch of people speak Spanish in Home Based.”
“Yeah, but that’s the thing. If you’re missing something your missing it.”
“all right. You can take Adriana with you. She’s in this neighborhood so I can make sure she’s available.”

“Every time that I meet with them?”

“every time you meet with them.”

“okay, but I’ma hold you to that!”

“You hold me to that Miss KJ!”

“And I’ll be you’re witness.”

“can I get a witness in her!” ….

Social work.

So then… one day I’ll be fluent. And watch me get a Vietnamese family.

but now we're down to two hours and 15 minutes. with three more problems to solve. at least.