there's this girl i've seen on campus she's beautiful in a strikingly different way. and every time i see her (there have been like 3 times so far...) i feel drawn to her, more like how... it's like an intrique. but i don't know if it's just that i want to get to know her because i find her fascinating or if i'm attracted to her. or both.
i was having a conversation with someone a bit ago. he said the had recently had someone sitting in his office telling him that her father had never told her she was beautiful. he said "can you imagine living like that? never hearing that?!" i just looked at him. i couldn't say anything because i wasn't quite sure how to phrase it. as uh, "uuuummmm, yes" or "yeah, i can"/ "duh"/"of course" or "i don't have to imagine it..." or "seriously. are you seriously asking me this?"
just about when i was settling on "uh really, bob, can you imagine my father actually telling me i was beautiful? with what you know about him...?" he seemed to catch on to the silence or the stunned look i can imagine was on my face, or both. and said "oh no... you're not one of them are you?! I'm sooo sorry. i think it's a tragedy..."
i actually feel kind of bad for him, because he probably feels bad about it, or at least will if he reads this. if you are, please don't feel bad, the reality causes the pain, not those who stumble on it. but i just wanted to put it out there. because it made me cry. not then, now. at the time i just felt a twinge but shrugged it off because i was thinking, "no, that's not my issue, i'm not going to take it on now. if my relationship with my father was one step better i might be sad about it. as it is we have bigger bridges to cross than wanting him to tell me he loves me. as it is, i just kind of want him gone."
anyways, the rest of the conversation was fabulous. i enjoy talking with bob. he's silly. but deep.
just for the record, his name's not bob. and he's a good guy. he likes to pick on me and i love picking on him!!!;)
