every time i come to my email box i look for there to be (1 new) or (2 new) so my heart can skip a beat with hope because there are those few important corrospondence that somehow measure who i am.
and i don't want to look at what i have to say right now because i don't want to see this racism in me. but i need to express it so perhaps i can look back and say "i remember when..." because, in hopes it won't be true anymore.
but i've been learned about ruby dee. heard her say something on the radio the other day and had to have it. now i seen pictures of her and they don't match her voice. and that's a common dissonance because she's not somebody yet to me, she's an "out there" not quite reality existing in the world i don't yet know.
but what bother's me is the seeing of historic black peoples i aint never heard of. the racist part is me being bothered by how they look. just like white people, except black. same hairstyles and clothes. you'd never know, well... i don't know what. that they were/are so oppressed... by us. of course. that's the strength of them i guess. i don't know why i find dissonance in the matter. i guess because i think they should look... different. and why are they all new to me?
i'm 22 and was raised and well educated in this country and yet they have been invisible to me. why? that drives me crazy.
that and the fact that we celebrate columbus day. when i have kids we're going to mourn columbus day. we'll all hate it together. i refuse to celebrate it. he was a wretched, wretched, ignorant man.
indians indeed. and why did i grow up calling first nations people indians, still. in the 21st century? like we all never figured out we weren't in india? columbus day indeed.
and the invisible black people who somehow managed to found our country without ever existing. funny the things you never learn, or worse yet "learn" in history.
